So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24)

Take heed to yourselves; if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, release* (afes) him (of his sins); and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, and says, ‘I repent,’ you must release (afeseis) him (from his sins). (Luke 17:3-4)

For if you release (afite) people (anthropoi) of their transgressions (paraptomata), your Father in Heaven also will release (you of) yours; but if you do not release people of their transgressions, neither will your Father release (you of) your transgressions. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Very often we feel that we should only be asking for forgiveness if we are guilty of offending someone or angering them. And that if we are innocent, then it is the problem of the other person and we should not need to approach them for forgiveness.

Notice that our Lord does not say, “If you have offended your brother...” but rather “if... your brother has something against you”. This is not a mistake or a mistranslation, but rather a deep meekness. I may be completely innocent of any offense, but because my brother (or sister) feels offended it is my responsibility to repair our relationship by asking for forgiveness.

In the same way, we are not supposed to judge the quality of a request to forgive someone. It is enough that an individual asks for forgiveness. We are not required to feel that that individual is repenting, only to hear that request for forgiveness.

Yes, our Lord also says, “If you release the sins of any, they are released; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained” (John 20:23) but if you combine this with the above, it is clear that we should never “retain” anyone’s sins or transgressions.

This is also applicable to Confessions. As priests, we are required to forgive all sins confessed, even when we think that the person is not truly repentant because our Lord said, if he... “SAYS, 'I repent,' you must forgive him.” There is no qualification, no room for judgment, all we need to do is hear the words, and then we are bound to forgive in the name of Christ. The rest is up to God in His Judgment.

We are not asked for perfect repentance because that is a gift from God. We cannot demand that every gift be given to us. Many do not have the gift of repentance, but all have the knowledge of the truth – that we are sinners, even when we do not understand the depths and breadth of our sins and thus we can ask for forgiveness even when we do not truly repent; simply because we know we should be repentant and should be asking for forgiveness.

It is also our responsibility to forgive each other – whether the other is a Christian or not. Thus, while asking for forgiveness it is not our responsibility to demand that the other person forgive us, nor, when we are asked to forgive, is it our responsibility to demand contrition and true repentance. It is enough that we are being asked to forgive. This is a very important distinction. As a Christian, my responsibility ends once I have asked for forgiveness. It is now up to the other individual to forgive or not as they see fit. But when I am on the receiving end of a request, it is required of me to forgive or else my Father will not forgive me!

Among Christians, it is always our responsibility to be at peace with each other whether by asking for forgiveness or by providing it. Neither one will be done perfectly. But our God is One who sees and honors the intention, and is not One who demands perfection from His imperfect children.

*   It is a curious fact of English translations that, beginning with the Wycliff and King James translations, αφες is translated as “release” in the Old Testament but “remit” or “forgive” in the New Testament. It completely loses the continuation of concept from the Old Testament Law to the New Testament Commandments in the same way as the names Jacob/James and Joshua/Jesus also lose continuation.